Picking the Winners: BCS Title Game Edition

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
-- Boyz II Men's "End of the Road"

Ah, picks column. You've been a special part of all of our lives these past few months. But now we've reached the final installment -- our selections for the BCS national championship game. And though our relationship has been rocky, I think we'll all remember the good times -- the pot-shots at Georgia Tech, the miracle covers by UConn, the random allusions to Chad Lowe and Danny Baldwin.

But alas, we must now say goodbye. So without further a do, the end of the road for Dave and Dan's 2009 college football picks…

BCS National Championship Game (Pasadena, Calif.): Alabama (13-0) vs. Texas (13-0)
Spread: Alabama (-5)

Dan: I am 17-16 for bowl season as we approach the last game. After starting out so poorly I am thrilled to be above .500. See, this is what separates me from the “ordinary” gamblers or “squares” as I refer to them. I adapt. I am 6-2 in my final 8 games. I noticed a trend that all dogs for the most part were covering bowl season and I adapted. And what happened? I went on a monster run. I am what they refer to as a closer.

Due to this run I will be enjoying a nice bottle of Jager at the expense of one Mr. David Hale… thanks Dave. Now on to the final write-up.

Dave: I can't say I was quite the performer that Dan was this year, but I closed with a 5-3 mark down the stretch, too. Which is actually a bad thing.

As Dan pointed out via text earlier this week, readers were no doubt skeptical of my early losing ways. Sure, I've sucked at picking games all year, but I was working at a truly horrific pace in the early going. No way that could keep up, right?

But with each new game, I brought you another loser (and I even ensured a Georgia win by picking A&M!). So just when those skeptical wagerers finally decided to fade my picks, what happens? I finish up 5-3 and cost them money. I'm a cooler no matter what I do.

Anyway, doing some quick math, if you were to have simply faded my picks all season (and figuring for 10 percent juice and $100 bets per game) you'd have earned $2,130 courtesy of your pal Dave since September. If you were just smart enough to pick opposite of me during bowl season, you'd be up nearly $1,200.

So regardless, I think I deserve a big hat tip from the readers. It takes some real foresight to provide picks that bad.

Of course, I also want to give a big hat tip to Dan for helping us out with this picks column all year. Sure, you readers kill some time at work each day by reading the blog. But Dan took it a step farther -- he actually blew off work to write these picks on a weekly basis. And ironically, he landed a new, better, higher-paying job last month to boot. I'd like to think that his focus on this picks column kept him from screwing up anything at his real job, which in turn allowed him to move up the latter. So congrats, Dan, and thanks for all the efforts.

I'm not sure whether we'll do this again next year, as it did prove to be a bit more time consuming than I'd originally hoped, but that's usually the way with everything I do. Despite what the shoddy picks might indicate, I tend to devote a lot more energy to things than I plan to, and these posts were no exception.

We also probably pushed the envelope a bit with the content on these posts during the season, too. I honestly kept waiting for one of my bosses to tell me I needed to tone it down a tad, but credit to them for allowing me to explore the studio space, so to speak. The blogger world is uncharted territory for most mainstream media, and I'm a firm believer that you need to push those boundaries to see where it goes. My hope is that, while it may not have been particularly educational, these posts have at least been entertaining. Again, thanks to Dan for his help on that end.

My picks weren't good, but they were bad enough to be significant. The subject matter wasn't routinely informative, but it was often stupid enough to get a laugh. And we didn't exactly break any new ground in terms of content, but we probably did provide a bit of a different style and tone in these posts than I usually do on the blog. So was it a success? I don't know. But I enjoyed doing it, and hopefully most of you enjoyed reading it, too. On to our last pick of the year...

Dan: The final game of the year, Alabama vs. Texas. I must say, after watching Nebraska dominate Arizona, I guess Texas has somewhat of an excuse as to why their offense did nothing in the Big 12 title game. Arizona who had no trouble scoring all year could not move the ball at all.

Unfortunately for Texas though Alabama’s defense is every bit as good as Nebraska’s. Also unfortunately for Texas, Alabama has the duo of Julio Jones and Mark Ingram on offense. I see Alabama doing to Texas what they did to Florida. Just manhandling them.

Speaking of manhandling, that reminds me of a funny story. Our last funny story of the year. Well from me at least. It is one of myself. What kind of person are you if you can’t poke fun at yourself?

About 11 years ago in the summer we celebrated my 20th birthday in the fine state of Delaware. As was customary for birthdays, we usually celebrated them at Dave’s place because many of us attended college out of town and Dave had everything you needed for a good party.

-- No parents
-- Lots of booze
-- Near a college campus allowing walkups.

So we decided to celebrate my 20th and Dave and our good friend Tim decided to head out to get a keg before the party started. They left me behind with a quarter of a handle of Captain Morgan’s. Before leaving they told me to make sure I don’t finish all the Captain Morgan’s. Thinking I was funny, I manhandled the entire bottle.

This led to me being very intoxicated and not being able to speaking coherently. Well a girl I interned with that summer happened to bring along a bunch of her friends that night. I thought it was a good idea to chat them up. Of course I made zero sense and was slurring left and right and was very incoherent. Later that night, one of girls approaches my coworker and says, “I think it is just great that your company hires people like him.”

Courtney (my coworker) looks at her and says, “What do you mean 'like him'?”

"Oh you know," the girl says, "People are who are physically or mentally handicapped . . . you know . . . slow!”

Yes sir . . . they thought I was slow.

Yup . . . that about sums it up people.

As for this game, the Tide ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLS… Alabama 41, Texas 17.

Dave: Before we get to my final (and likely awful) pick of the season, a few things to clear up...

-- First off, let's take a look at the conferences' bowl records so far:

Mountain West (4-1)
Big East (4-2)
SEC (5-4)
Big Ten (4-3)
Big 12 (4-3)
WAC (2-2)
Sun Belt (1-1)
ACC (3-4)
C-USA (2-4)
Pac-10 (2-5)
MAC (1-4)
Indep. (1-0)

So what does all this mean?

On one hand, it doesn't mean much. Bowl season, while being the one time of year when you're guaranteed intriguing inter-conference matchups, is hardly the best overall judge of a conference's (or team's) overall value. There's a month between games and may of the middling teams have simply packed in their season and are worried more about getting ready for spring ball than winning that final bowl game at some desolate location.

So perhaps the overall records don't matter much, but I'm guessing the Mountain West probably does deserve a hat tip for going 4-1, with their only loss being a close one by TCU in the Feista Bowl. Too bad for the MWC though that the one loss was also its marquee game.

I think, too, that the overall records tell us that the Pac-10 was highly overrated this year. And it wasn't just the 2-5 performance that was bad. It was how those teams lost. Oregon State and Arizona were embarrassed and Oregon was beaten pretty handily by the old stepchild of the BCS, Ohio State. Even the two wins -- USC by a nose over a mediocre-at-best Boston College team and UCLA by nine over Temple -- were far from impressive.

But I'll tip my cap, begrudgingly, to the Big Ten, which actually turned in some big performances in big games. No, I don't think most of the bowl games mean a lot. But the Rose Bowl does, and Ohio State proved worthy. The Orange Bowl means something, too, and Iowa was dominant at stopping the best the ACC had to offer.

As for the SEC -- well, it was some good and some bad, but mostly the latter. Ole Miss had to rely on a complete implosion by Okie State to secure a win. Arkansas was taken to the brink by East Carolina and failed to convert a single third down in the game. South Carolina was thumped by UConn, Georgia won easily against A&M, but still allowed more than 400 yards of offense and had to rely on some big special teams plays to win, LSU lost to Penn State, Auburn needed Northwestern to fake a field goal in overtime to secure a win… really Florida was the only dominant SEC team this year.

(And The Dawg Walk does a nice job of putting the Big 10-SEC thing into perspective, too.)

Of course, that doesn't mean that we can infer that Alabama is going to put on a lackluster performance simply because the rest of its conference did. Heck, the Big 12 wasn't any better, finishing 4-3. Missouri and Okie State had two of the most embarrassing losses of bowl season, to boot.

So let's take this game on its own merits rather than tying it up into some conference-oriented context.

First off, do you realize that, regardless of who wins, we're guaranteed our first undefeated national champion since 2005?

Secondly, if Alabama wins, do you realize the SEC will have won four straight and five of the last seven BCS titles?

Those two things add up to remind me a lot of that 2005 championship game between USC and Texas. Coming into the game, it was USC that was considered a big favorite. If I recall correctly, ESPN was doing a series comparing that USC team to the greatest college teams of all time, and nary a word was mentioned of the Horns.

Alabama's not getting quite that much love, but at the same time, they're getting about 80 percent of the straight-up picks from the public, and the SEC's recent success makes the Tide the obvious selection on paper.

But strange things happen in bowl games. That's what we learned in that '05 matchup. That's what this year's bowl season has reminded us.

Meanwhile, add in the following factors:

-- Mark Ingram has been making the rounds following his Heisman win, and the track record for Heisman winners in these games is not good.

-- Texas has gotten to play the "nobody believes in us" card for a month now.

-- As Dan pointed out, some of the big knocks on Texas have proven to be only minor smudges. Texas A&M's offense really is pretty potent, so it's not a huge surprise that the Aggies put up some points in their regular-season finale against the Horns. And Nebraska's defense is absurdly good, so that Big 12 title game really didn't look so bad in retrospect.

-- Terrence Cody has had a week in L.A. to find a really good buffet.

-- This year's bowl season has been the year of the underdog. Dogs are a whopping 22-10 against the spread through the first 33 games (Idaho was a pick-em) and have won 15 of those games outright.

So while every instinct I have from watching football this season tells me that Alabama should win this game, I think we know where my instincts have gotten me in making picks. Instead, I'm looking at the facts, and I'm going to call the upset… Texas 23, Alabama 20.

Bowl season: Dan 17-16, Dave 10-23.

Regular Season: Dan 59-70-3, Dave 57-72-3.

Final Overall Record: 76-86-3 (.470), Dave 67-95-3 (.415).

Picking the Winners: Bowl Season (Part 4)

And the losers keep coming...

JANUARY 2

International Bowl (Toronto): South Florida (7-5) vs. Northern Illinois (7-5)
Spread: South Florida (-6.5)

Dan: Simply put in this game: A Big East team only giving 6.5 to a MAC team that has the same record has to be considered a gift. It has to be. Do not overthink this one. And I have nothing else to say about this game other than South Florida is based in Tampa and Tampa would be a fun place to go to college… South Florida 34, Northern Illinois 21.

Dave: Hey, South Florida Bulls, congrats on your season, eh. Here's everything you'll need to know a-boot your bowl vacation: You'll leave sunny Tampa and travel to the Great White North to… Canada! Don't forget your passports. Customs can be a real bear, eh. But if you like maple syrup and LaBatt's, oh my are you in for a treat! Oh, and those bowl gift packages you hear so much about… they're legit! Here's what you get: A half-pound of Canadian bacon (or as we call it up here in Toronto, "bacon"), a Maple Leafs parka furnished by the good folks at Starter, Snow's "Greatest Hits," a copy of "Strange Brew" on Beta (we don't have VHS up here), a coupon for one free lap in our Olympic-sized pool filled with Molson, and, of course, a date with Alanis Morissette at the finest waffle emporium Canada has to offer. Oh, and one last thing, don't forget our fields up here are 110 yards (or as we call 'em, "meters"). Have fun, eh!… South Florida 36, Northern Illinois 10.

PapaJohns.com Bowl (Birmingham, Ala.): Connecticut (7-5) vs. South Carolina (7-5)
Spread: South Carolina (-4.5)

Dan: Poor South Carolina. Relegated to the Papa Johns Cowl with their faithful having to travel to Birmingham for a game. I can think of about 20 places I’d want to spend New Year's and Birmingham is definitely not on that list. Every year I feel that South Carolina does this. They do just enough to finish 6-6 or 7-5 and leave their faithful wondering what if. After they got done spanking Clemson in the final game of the year our good friend from Atlanta sent me a text explaining how his team would be 10-2 or 9-3 every year if they played in the ACC. This sort of banter goes back and forth every year between us. So I was left wondering… would I rather be mediocre in the SEC every year or the top dog in the ACC every year? I think I’d rather be the top dog. So guess what buddy… you don’t play in the ACC. Enjoy the Papa Johns Bowl this year and the Music City Bowl next year. One day you’ll play on New Years Day. One day. But until then keep wondering what if… South Carolina 28, Connecticut 17.

Dave: Here's the thing about bowl sponsorships… I've never even heard of half the sponsors. I had to ask about six people in Shreveport before someone could tell me what Advocare V100 was. Gaylord Hotels is just funny. Beef O Brady's bought their sponsorship rights like 12 minutes before kickoff. The Emerald Bowl is actually sponsored by a brand of nuts. Who knew? And yet, there are some bowl sponsorships that stand out. PapaJohns.com is one of them.

Here's the story: I have a legitimate phobia about ordering pizzas over the phone. I distinctly remember my mother, who is notorious for being indifferent in situations that call for immediate decision making, forcing me to order Dominos one time when I was probably 12 or 13 -- prime self-confidence-building age. Anyway, I told her I didn't want to because I didn't know what I was supposed to be ordering. She told me to do it anyway. So I called… I ordered two pizzas… and of course there were follow-up questions. And of course, I didn't know the answers. And of course, my mother was no help in providing them. On the other end, the Dominos employee was making fun of me and then yelled at me to hang up and call back when I knew what I wanted. It was traumatizing. (And yes, I realize now the absurdity of being laughed at by a guy answering phones at Dominos.)

Anyway, for years after that, I refused to order a pizza over the phone. I'd force someone else to do it or I'd simply go out and order in person. I couldn't bring myself to dial the numbers and place the order on my own. And then, lo and behold, a bowl game comes on the TV informing me that Papa John's, the most innovative pizza delivery service in history, now has a Web site that will allow me to order pizza over the Intergoogles. It was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Suddenly the world of food delivery was my oyster. I was a new man. It changed my life.

So God bless you, PapaJohns.com Bowl. You gave me the freedom to come home drunk at 2 a.m. and order a greasy late-night treat without having to feel like an idiot… even if I did misspell my name on the order form… Connecticut 21, South Carolina 20.

Cotton Bowl (Dallas): Oklahoma State (9-3) vs. Ole Miss (8-4)
Spread: Ole Miss (-3)

Dan: This is my top pick of the bowl season… Oklahoma State has regressed as the year has gone on. I was shocked to see that they were even 9-3. Huh? Really? They will not know what to do with themselves when they see Dexter McCluster from Ole Miss, one of my favorite college players by the way.

On another note, I was recently informed that Oxford, Miss. is probably one of the coolest places to watch a college game and just a generally awesome town. I was SHOCKED by this news. Really? Mississippi has something to offer to America? Wow. That must be my Northern bias I guess because I naturally assumed that Mississippi was a dump. Lol. But I will take people's word on this subject. I guess everyone probably thinks Jersey is a dump where I live, so to each their own. When in reality Jersey has a few things to offer too with the best part being the shore.

As for this game Ole Miss rolls… Mississippi 38, Oklahoma State 17.

Dave: Here's what I love about this picks column… It was just last month I spent a significant portion of our picks column discussing my favorite SEC towns and talking about how I'd never been to Oxford and how great it was. But Dan doesn't read that. He just moves ahead with his day like my picks don't matter. Well guess what, Danny Boy… I'm working on picking winners at a 39 percent clip! That is money in the bank, and you're missing out.

Anyway, this game, of course, is being played in Jerruh's World on Jan. 2 -- one day before the Eagles and Cowboys face off in the regular-season finale in Dallas to decide who will win the NFC East. If the Birds win, they'll be the No. 2 seed in the NFC and earn a first-round bye. Sweet. If they lose, they could potentially drop all the way to the No. 6 seed and not even have a home game. Not-so-sweet. And making things even more intense on Sunday, I'm playing in my fantasy football championship game. (And as a side note, I'm playing against a guy who used the computer to autodraft his team and selected four tight ends on draft day. This is why I hate fantasy football.) My last two trips to our fantasy league Super Bowl met with peril, and I lost both games. I'm hoping the third time is a charm this season, but it's really just too much on the line. Fantasy money, Eagles' playoff hopes, potentially having to hear crap from my friends who like Dallas for an entire year… this is why it's total B.S. that you can't buy kegs on Sunday in Georgia.

Of course, before we get to all that, I have to pick this game, and hopefully this is gets all my bad luck out of the city of Dallas before the Birds kick off… Ole Miss 45, Oklahoma State 17.

Liberty Bowl (Memphis, Tenn.): East Carolina (9-4) vs. Arkansas (7-5)
Spread: Arkansas (-8)

Dan: Is this why you hired Bobby Petrino, Arkansas fans? So you could go to the Liberty Bowl? Happy? Remember that when Houston Nutt was your coach you used to regularly play on New Year's Day? Now you are left playing in the Liberty Bowl. Arkansas is the Clemson of the SEC -- a school that thinks they are better than they actually are.Quite pathetic if you ask me.

As for this game, they should not be laying more than a TD to anyone. ECU saw a similar offensive team in Houston recently and was somewhat able to shut them down. I think they’ll be able to do that here as well… Arkansas 27, East Carolina 21.

Dave: OK, so I haven't taken these picks too seriously since starting bowl season with an 0-6 record. I get that. But let's take a bit of a closer look at this game, just for the fun of it.

On the surface, East Carolina's defense appears to be decent. They rank first in Conference USA in scoring defense, allowing just a shade over 22 points a game. Not too shabby.

But look closer: The Pirates are 110th nationally in pass defense (and astoundingly, C-USA has eight teams ranked 99th or worse) allowing 262 yards per game through the air. In three of their four biggest games this year -- vs. North Carolina, West Virginia and Houston -- they allowed an average of 33 points per game. On Virginia Tech get stuffed among big-name teams, and as Dan has told us numerous times, Virginia Tech simply can't throw the football well. And then we look at East Carolina's opponent for this game -- Arkansas, and cannon-armed QB Ryan Mallett. I foresee trouble for the Pirates.

Now, back to utter ridiculousness for a second… my buddy posed this question to me yesterday while watching the Rose Bowl: "Jim Tressel has become completely known for the sweater vest look. He owns it. So… if you were a college football coach, what would be your look?"

My answer: An ascot. I think people would have to respect a college coach who dressed as well as Charles Nelson Reilly.

My buddy's answer? A full white Reebok track suit. I liked the idea, but I think Dan's answer was even better. He suggested wearing the full football uniform, including pads. This made me laugh out loud when I pictured Joe Paterno trudging up and down the sidelines with shoulder pads and a helmet on.

I also suggested a sombrero would probably command a great deal of respect on the sideline, but I wanted more ideas. So I reposted the question on Twitter. Here's some of our top results...

@ThinkingBulldog suggested a bolo tie. That'd be a solid choice for the Alamo Bowl.

@SoundGuy79 says a coach wearing a cape would get some newsprint. I couldn't agree more.

@mosmyownspace recommended a hoop skirt. I'd be worried about coaching on a windy day though.

I loved this one from @jasbragg, who wrote: "I'd go for more of The Dude look. Shades, robe, sirty undershirt. Wait, I'd prob look like Belichick." Classic.

@jdfelt knows how to look classy: "blue blazer. White button down. Khakis. Braided Belt. Loafers - no socks." Right from the gridiron to the schooner. Beautiful.

Our pal @PaulDehnerJr took time out from covering the Sugar Bowl to suggest a full suit of armor including a lance. This seems like a real possibility at Mike Leach's next gig.

@HitchJack suggests a tuxedo t-shirt because, "it says 'im formal...but i like to party'." HitchJack, your tweets are a like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

@Rex Robinson5's suggestion? "Wife beater, tighty whiteys and knee high socks with Chuck Taylors." I feel like a kicker could probably get away with that.

@FrankPhronen chimes in with this: "I'd slick my hair back and wear a solid white turtleneck with a black dickey underneath." I feel like I've seen Woody Hayes actually wear that in some grainy clips from the '70s. Or at least Mike Brady.

@hamptanner tried to pull from a few ideas and suggested the tuxedo tshirt and cape but would top the ensemble off with some parachute pants. You can't touch that!

But I think the classiest look comes from our friend @JeffOstenson who suggests: "Top hat. Hands down. Maybe monocle to top it off." Ah, the look of pure genius.

Excellent suggestions, all of them. And to finish up on the game, let's say… Arkansas 45, East Carolina 31.

Alamo Bowl (San Antonio, Texas): Texas Tech (8-4) vs. Michigan State (6-6)
Spread: Texas Tech (-7.5)

Dan: Quick… name Michigan State's best win? I guess it was against that powerhouse Northwestern program. That was the only win they have against bowl eligible teams. And they have a slew of suspensions to deal with. Yes they do. Texas A&M is starting to get healthy and actually has a decent defense and good offense. So I’ll take the Red Raiders… Texas Tech 41, Michigan State 20.

Dave: OK, which New Year's 2010 story is funnier -- Mike Leach locking Craig James' kid in an electrical closet for being a pansy or Gilbert Arenas pulling a gun on Javaris Crittenton over a gambling debt? I mean, they're both great. It's so hard to choose.

Of course, here's my favorite part about the Mike Leach fiasco, from ESPN's story:

Two days later, while the Red Raiders practiced at Jones AT&T Stadium, James was placed in a room that is used for postgame interviews involving opposing coaches and players. James told school officials he was placed in an electrical closet inside the room.

"I walked Adam to the room, which was at least as big as a two-car garage," Pincock wrote.

When you want to know what life as a sports writer is really like, think about those three sentences. Adam James is angry about being put into a room that is used for visiting media interviews that the trainer describes as "as big as a two-car garage." Imagine, if you will, that two car garage filled with three dozen overweight media members, some of whom are carrying oversized video cameras and asking dumb questions as aggressively as possible while sports information department employees shuffle players in and out. That's my daily life. But it gets Mike Leach fired? I can only assume that James missed out on the press box meal and was angry about it.

Anyway, I'm not going to venture to guess what actually happened here, but I will predict a hefty payout on Texas Tech's part. But I'm thinking, particularly after last year's contract issues, they were just happy to be rid of Leach. I'm sure Tommy Tuberville will do fine there until the administration decides they hate him, too. Fun times.

As for the game, if Urban Meyer take a six-month vacation gets Florida fired up, I'm betting the firing of the scurvy sea captain at Texas Tech provides enough motivation for a win in this one… Texas Tech 28, Michigan State 14.

JANUARY 4

Fiesta Bowl (Glendale, Ariz.): Texas Christian (12-0) vs. Boise State (12-0)
Spread: TCU (-7)

Dan: I for one am disappointed that these two teams are left playing each other. I would have liked each to be matched up against a BCS conference team to see what they really are made of. I swear the big boys did this so they wouldn’t need to be embarrassed by the little guys. That is my story and I’m sticking to it.

Speaking of embarrassing, here is a good story from our younger days: One night a few of us went to the Party Block in Ocean City, Md. Ocean City is an OK place to party, and the party block had three bars in one and lots of easy targets.

So we head out partying and do lots of Jager shots and car bombs and have a good ole time and throw our hats in the ring with a bunch of ladies. On that night, none of us were successful so we decided to head home. Well all of us except for our one friend. He thought it was a good idea to get pizza. Thirty minutes passed and we can’t find him so we decide to go home. Mind you, the house we used to stay at was a good 15-minute ride from the party block so we had no idea how this guy would get home. The next morning around 9:30 a.m. he comes stumbling in. I go, “Where were you?” I expected some crazy story about how he was partying all night or met some girl. His reply" “I don’t know what happened but when I started remembering things it was 7 a.m. and I was in a parking garage. That is all I know.”

Yup that sums up our lives back then. What does this mean about TCU and Boise game? Well I don’t know. Just that Boise stays within the number… TCU 27, Boise State 21.

Dave: I'm boycotting discussing this game as a protest against the utter ridiculousness of making these two teams play each other rather than giving them a shot at embarrassing Georgia Tech. It's pretty sad when the Fiesta Bowl is funneling money illegally to politicians and I consider that only the second most corrupt thing about this game. I hope they at least have the decency to dye the field blue… TCU 31, Boise State 21.

JANUARY 5

Orange Bowl (Miami): Georgia Tech (11-2) vs. Iowa (10-2)
Spread: Georgia Tech (-4)

Dan: I wonder if Iowa City is one of those sneaky fun towns. You know those places. You do not expect them to be very fun, but they are the only game in town, have tons of bars, and attract a lot of talent resulting in them being a great place to hang out and party. Since Iowa is the major university in the state, I bet that is Iowa City. Sure it is Iowa, but they have tons of bars and a good time all around. I bet it is the kind of place where everyone is always doing Jager bombs, car combs, whiskey bombs… you name it. Iowa City is the place to be! Well that is what I think at least. For this game the ACC has been a joke so far during bowl season and I do not see that stopping now… Iowa 21, Georgia Tech 20.

Dave: Truth be told, I used to like Georgia Tech. Not in any meaningful way. I mean, I didn't root for them or anything. But they were at least likable. You had Calvin Johnson, who was so talented you had to enjoy watching him. You had Tashard Choice, who to this day is one of the nicest kids I've interviewed. You had Reggie Ball, who was just a walking punchline and always made for good column-writing fodder. I wrote a piece after the 2006 ACC title game comparing Reggie to the lazy guy in your office who tries to take the credit for when a sales pitch goes well, only he slept in the car while you made the pitch. People loved it. And then you had Chan Gailey, who was a perfect foil to my early days as a reporter.

In my first press conference with Chan, I made the mistake of asking a question about seniors on the team and mentioned Reggie Ball, who was a junior at the time. I'd meant to say "veterans" instead of "seniors" but I was a little groggy from a three-hour drive from Albany, and he made sure to call me out on it. We had several other conflicts like this over my two years covering him, too. But the best story was no doubt this one...

I was working on a project on recruiting over the summer and had set up interview times with Mark Richt and Chan to get some quotes. It was June, and it just so happened to coincide with a convention a few of my old friends from San Diego were attending in Atlanta. So I drove up to Athens and did a full day's worth of interviews with Richt and a few other UGA coaches, then headed to Atlanta where I was going to meet up with my friends of the evening before a morning interview with Chan.

Not surprisingly, the night got a little crazy. At one point, my buddy was behind the bar drinking directly from a tap of Guinness.

Anyway, even in my debilitated state, I remembered I had to be in Chan's office at 8:30 the next morning, so I set the alarm on my phone. Unfortunately I must have done a bad job of setting it ("why separate knobs!") because at 8:45 I woke up to a phone call from the Georgia Tech SID wondering where I was. Of course I lied and said the hotel failed to give me the wake-up call I'd ordered and told her I was on my way.

I jumped in the shower, was dressed and in my car in about 11 minutes. I arrived at the Tech football offices and was sweating bullets. I already knew Chan hated me -- after all, he'd made a point to call me out on something I'd done wrong during virtually every encounter I'd had with him put to that point -- and I was expecting the worst. I was armed with a valid excuse, but I didn't figure it would matter. I knew he'd be mad regardless of why I was late.

So, after a few minutes of waiting, they show me into his office, where Chan is sitting behind a huge wooden desk shuffling through some papers. I come in, shake his hand and apologize profusely. He tells me to have a seat, which I do, and he sits and takes a long look at me. Feeling a little overwhelmed, I just start by explaining my story angle… this whole in-depth background on why I was doing this story and what I hoped he might be able to help me with and just way, way more information that he would want or need.

Silence.

He stares at me for what seemed like an hour, leans back in his chair, takes a deep breath and says, "So how was last night?"

All the blood must have rushed from my head (though most of the "blood" was probably diluted heavily by Jack Daniels still) and he gave me a big grin and said, "I'm just messin' with ya, kid." He went on to answer every question I had and it was by far the most pleasant conversation I ever had with the man, despite it being, by far, the most irresponsible I've ever been as a journalist.

Anyway, those were the halcyon days at Tech. Now? Eh, they're impossible to like. Two slightly better-than-average seasons and they think the world of themselves. They're actually a decent offense and Josh Nesbitt seems like a solid QB. That's no fun. We need Reggie to make fun of! Paul Johnson's a solid coach with a stern attitude, but something tells me he wouldn't find me showing up for an interview 45 minutes late because I overslept all that amusing. There's no personality to these guys. I miss Chan… Georgia Tech 27, Iowa 21.

JANUARY 6

GMAC Bowl (Mobile, Ala.): Central Michigan (11-2) vs. Troy (9-3)
Spread: Central Michigan (-3.5)

Dan: Earlier in this column I made fun of a bowl game that was being held in Birmingham. Well it looks like it actually can get worse. There is a bowl game in Mobile. That has to be worse.

Also I think this bowl name should be changed from the GMAC Bowl to the United States Taxpayers Bowl. I mean we, the taxpayers, do own GMAC now . . . no? They did just received their third bailout from the U.S. Government . . . no? Oh wait this post is supposed to be fun and not touch upon those issues that would drive you nuts. As for this game Central Michigan is a machine. I do not see them losing in this one… Central Michigan 31, Troy 17.

Dave: I'm so angry that I won three games in the last round of picks. That more than doubled my previous total! It totally threw off my mojo.

In fact, here's a great text I got from Dan regarding our picks: "I've had a nice last two days fading my picks on your blog… hahaha… just had Ohio State… Ridiculous I just realized I should fade myself!"

Seriously, I hope you all have had the decency to do the same and, ideally, start a bit earlier. This has been an impressive run. Do you realize if I'd simply bet $100 on every bowl game so far and taken the opposite of what I picked here, I'd be up $1,500 already? And there are still nine more games left! I'm money in the bank.

And when you get to the point I'm at, you really have nothing left but to celebrate failure. Because I always say that, if you're going to be bad, you might as well be really bad. I had a friend get a 4 on an English exam one time. That's embarrassing. I mean, it means you tried and still got a 4. I'd much rather a zero. I'm not sure this is a zero -- and in fact, it's probably more like a 4 -- but hey, it's still impressive, right? Right? Come on! I need this!… Troy 21, Central Michigan 20.

Bowl record: Dan 11-14, Dave 5-20.
Regular Season record: Dan 59-70-3, Dave 57-72-3.
Overall record: Dan 70-84-3 (.455), Dave 62-92-3 (.404)

One more game to go… stay tuned for our national championship game predictions later this week...

Picking the Winners: Bowl Season (Part 3... New Year's Eve Edition!)

Through 15 bowl games, the two of us have combined to pick winners at a whopping 27 percent clip. In truth, I'm mad at Kentucky for blowing a cover against Clemson and at North Carolina for covering by a point, thus killing my dream of a winless bowl season.

But no matter, more embarrassment awaits... On to the New Year's Eve and New Year's Day picks...

DECEMBER 31

Armed Forces Bowl (Fort Worth, Texas): Air Force (7-5) vs. Houston
Spread: Houston (-4.5)

Dan: One of my favorite Web sites for gambling is a site called www.covers.com. It is great. Not only can you talk sports and who you want to bet, but you can also talk stocks and investments, etc. Well what commonly happens on the college football page is that some crazy ending will occur and instantly a thread will pop up stating, “The fix is in, Team B was on the take!” Never was this more evident than the Air Force vs. San Diego State game earlier this year where I believe Air Force was giving 15.5. Air Force was up 26-2 when San Diego State scored with three minutes to go, then completed a 30-yard Hail Mary as time expired to earn the cover losing only 26-14. Of course everyone on Covers was on Air Force and quickly a thread popped up stating, “Air Force was on the take!” I politely entered the thread and stated, “This is unbelievable . . . do you not realize what you are saying! You are stating that the fine people who are protecting our country were on the take for the local bookies! Lol!” But they wanted none of it. It was decided by all that our Air Force is on the take and was on the take for that game. Gotta love people's reasoning. As for this game, take the Cougars as I am sure our Air Force will be on the take again… Houston 37, Air Force 28.

Dave: So these are our New Year's Eve and New Year's Day picks, which means we need to bring a theme of partying to the post today. And that can only mean quoting one movie… the best comedy of 2009… "The Hangover."

Alan: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Stu: It's also illegal.
Alan: It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
Phil: I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
Alan: Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.

Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know my picks are gonna lose? After an 0-6 start in our Pre-Christmas post and a rather robust 2-7 mark in our Dec. 26-Dec. 30 games, I'm no gamble. I'm a sure thing. I pick 'em, you bet the opposite, they play 'em, you collect money. It's a simple process, destined for success. I promise losers and I deliver the goods, friends.

So, let's get started with our first sure-to-lose pick of the day… Houston 44, Air Force 20.

Sun Bowl (El Paso, Texas): Stanford (8-4) vs. Oklahoma (7-5)
Spread: Oklahoma -9

Dan: When I first saw this line I immediately wanted to jump all over Stanford. But then I saw Stanford’s star QB is out and I began to wonder how good the Pac-10 really is. Now I am left questioning what to do. So I will reluctantly lay the 9. The Pac-10 hasn’t impressed much so far this bowl season. I feel that Oklahoma will put 11 men in the box to stop Toby. Oregon State got spanked. Cal got spanked. USC beat a very bad BC team. So I think the hit list continues in El Paso… Oklahoma 38, Stanford 24.

Dave: "It's got, ah, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor…"

This is, hands down, the funniest line in the movie because it's so perfectly subtle that if you aren't paying attention, you miss it.

Alan, Phil and Stu are walking outside the motel with the baby strapped to Alan's belly, and he's explaining the plot of "Three Men and a Baby" to the two other guys. The scene doesn't allude to the movie in any other way and just starts with them in mid-conversation and cuts off immediately after that. But if you were paying attention and you got the reference, it was easily the funniest part of the film. That's really the stuff that makes a good movie great, the little tidbits that make it funny each time you watch it, noticing new things along the way. (BTW, "The Big Lebowski" is the ultimate rewatchable movie. I've seen it maybe 10,000 times and I still pick up new jokes. "You ever hear of the Seattle Seven? That was me… and six other guys.")

Anyway, that's kind of how I feel about this game. On paper, it's a middling Pac-10 team vs. an underperforming Big 12 team that lost five games. But there are a ton of intriguing dynamics to this one. Landry Jones really made progress this year and has a chance to be a stud next season with the specter of Sam Bradford hanging over him. Stanford's QB is hurt, but may pull a Willis Reed. Both coaches have been mentioned for numerous job openings (or potential job openings in Florida's case) since their last game. Toby Gerhart got snubbed for the Heisman, and history says that's a much better sign for your bowl performance than winning the award is. Neither team has played much defense this season, so it could be a shootout. I love everything about this game, and the more I think about it, the more I find to like… Oklahoma 41, Stanford 38.

Texas Bowl (Houston, Texas): Missouri (8-4) vs. Navy (8-4)
Spread: Missouri (-9)

Dan: I do not know what Missouri is going to do with themselves when they see the Navy triple threat option. When you have not seen anything like this it is quite frustrating to stop. I think they’ll win . . . but barely.

On another note, why is Navy always good in football and Army stinks? When you get down to it, they each have the same recruiting philosophies, right? Air Force is usually good as well. I will never understand why this is the case. But Army continually stinks. Is it because if you go to the Army you may be more in harm's way than the Navy and Air Force? So Army gets the second-tier football player? This is one of my great mysteries that I will never understand… Missouri 31, Navy 28.

Dave: "I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I won't ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone."

Here's my problem with New Year's Eve… it never lives up to the hype. Everyone thinks you have to go out and do something absurd, then be a steel trap about it afterward because it was so friggin' huge. It's this day that, because it marks the arbitrary end of one unit of measurement before start another, you put all this pressure on yourself to go do something memorable, only you end up at a bar that charges an exorbitant rate for booze, then drinks so much that you can't remember the memorable thing you did, which in truth, is probably just that you vomited in the lap of a girl you'd met eight minutes earlier. As a holiday, it's a giant sham. I prefer the low-key holidays like Cinco de Mayo, the day before Thanksgiving and Arbor Day, where you do all those same things but don't feel the pressure to do them. It just happens organically. But maybe that's just me. I've never been one to enjoy living up to lofty expectations. Set the bar low, then stumble over it while downing a Crown-and-Coke, that's what I always say. (Well, in truth, I've never said that, but reading it now, it sounds humorous, so let's stick with it.)

Anyway, I have two things to note about this game: 1.) Teams theoretically should do better against the Triple Option when they have time to prepare for it, so bonus to Missouri. 2.) Navy kills clock and doesn't turn the ball over often, which means nine points is an awful lot to lay for this one. So… since those two balance themselves out, I'll go with the big-conference team… Missouri 30, Navy 20.

Insight Bowl (Tempe, Ariz.): Minnesota (6-6) vs. Iowa State (6-6)
Spread: Minnesota (2.5)

Dan: In 2006, Minnesota visited the Insight Bowl and was up four TDs at halftime. And I was furious. I had the Texas Tech money line in a parlay with a slew of other teams. So I turned the game off, cursed the TV and vowed to fight another day. And then a funny thing happened. Texas Tech rallied. In fact their rally was the biggest come-from-behind win in bowl history. And I cashed my ticket! Unfortunately for Minnesota, however, this cost Glenn Mason his job and they have not been the same program since. Mason had a knack for losing the big game. But you know what he was good at? He was good at winning a few games each year he shouldn’t and beating up on the lesser opponents. Minnesota does not have that anymore. This would be a typical beatdown if Mason was still coach. But he isn’t… Iowa State 27, Minnesota 23.

Dave: "Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice."

That quote sort of sums up how I feel about this bowl game. I mean, yeah, it's two BCS-conference teams with at least some semblance of a football program. And sure, it's funny that after Gene Chizik left, Iowa State made a bowl game. But, seriously, I just don't like the idea of watching a game this crappy, and I'm not sure why other people are comfortable with it.

And since we're on the subject… here's a great Dan-related story to go with this quote.

A few year's back, a big group of us headed off to Baltimore for the annual Preakness horse races. This is always a good time, and always a drunken affair (at least until Pimlico stupidly banned kegs on the infield). I made the mistake of forgetting my cell phone that day, however, but I wanted to catch up with a friend of mine who was also going to be at the race. So I borrowed Dan's cell to try to make a few calls. Before doing so, Dan warned me: "Don't use it too long. I don't want the battery to die in case I get lost later." Of course, I spent about an hour on the phone that afternoon.

Anyway, after the race we made the mistake of going out for more drinks in Fell's point, and Dan ends up hitting on the friend of a girl I was out with. When the friend decides it's time to head home, Dan weasels his way into an invitation back to her place. So Dan, the girl and her roommate all hop into her roommate's car and head off into the night.

The next day, I wake up to a call on my cell (which I had recovered from a friend's house) from a strange number. I answered, and it was Dan, calling me from a cabbie's phone. He immediately starts berating me for killing his battery, but the story gets better. Apparently the girls had gotten back to their apartment complex the night before, but by this time, Rosa was virtually incapacitated. Now, we're not sure exactly what happened next, but in the morning, Dan woke up on a couch with just his boxer's on and a random guy standing over him with a quizzical look on his face.

"Who the hell are you?" the guy asked.

"I'm Dan," Dan said. "I'm here with… umm…"

He couldn't clearly remember the name of the girl he'd left the bar with, so he made a best guess.

"… Lauren?"

"I don't know any Lauren."

"Umm… Kelly?"

"Nope."

"Natalie?"

"Nope," said the guy. "You know, I think you'd better put your pants on."

So that's what Dan did, then rushed out of the house and into the street. What he quickly realized, however, is that he was no longer in Baltimore. He recognized nothing. He wasn't downtown. He couldn't even see the city skyline.

He started walking and came across some tennis courts where a couple of older gentlemen were off to a sporting Sunday morning.

"Um, excuse me," Dan interrupted, looking disheveled. "Where am I?"

The men, of course, immediately burst out laughing. Turns out, Dan was in Towson, which is a solid 15 minute drive from Baltimore, maybe farther. Luckily after walking for about a mile, he happened upon a cab and luckily the cabbie happened to have a cell phone. But sadly, many of the other details will forever remain unknown.

See… "The Hangover" really isn't that much of a work of fiction.

Oh, and my game prediction… Minnesota 24, Iowa State 17.

Chick-fil-A Bowl (Atlanta): Virginia Tech (9-3) vs. Tennessee (7-5)
Spread: Virginia Tech (-4)

Dan: Virginia Tech returns to Atlanta for a third time this year to face the Lane Train. Virginia Tech is currently 0-2 in Atlanta and this matchup will not be any easier. Tennessee is one of those teams that has gotten better as the year has gone on. Throw out the losses to UCLA, Florida and Auburn early. They went 6-2 down the stretch with one loss coming to Bama and the other a thumping at Ole Miss. This is a team that is getting better each week. On the flip side, you have my Hokies, who have basically beaten everyone they should have and lost to the teams they should have. Ho hum. I think Tennessee is a team they shouldn’t beat unfortunately.

In other news, I just got done informing my wife that the Hokies play on New Years Eve this year. She was less than thrilled about this news. She was asking what we would do for new years and my quick reply was Virginia Tech plays! Excited? Her answer … not so much. Ha. I think the last time she was this annoyed was when I was up at Penn State and she kept getting woken up by text messages from my friends talking about stuff they’d like to do to donkeys. Sigh. I need to grow up… Tennessee 24, Virginia Tech 20.

Dave: "I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants."

I see how it is, Dan. You spend all season bashing Lane Kiffin, and now all of a sudden you're throwing out complements left and right because you're worried about what the Vols will do to Tech in the Chick-fil-A Bowl. "I'm on your side! I hate Urban Meyer, too! Hey, any coach can recruit two convicted rapists and then have three players knock off a convenience store! I'll get you some pants!"

Man up, dude. It's just Lane Kiffin. There's nothing to be afraid of. And better yet, this is his last chance to have Eric Berry on his side, too. So it only gets better from here… Virginia Tech 23, Tennessee 17.

JANUARY 1

Outback Bowl (Tampa, Fla.): Northwestern (8-4) vs. Auburn (7-5)
Spread: Auburn (-7.5)

Dan: Is Auburn really 7.5 points better than anyone? I do not think so. But Northwestern also lost to Syracuse. So what does that make them? I just don’t know. So when this happens you always take the points… Auburn 24, Northwestern 20.

Dave: "What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers…. well then we're sh*t out of luck."

Tigers… Auburn… Anyone? Anyone? Buehler?

Eh, by the time this game comes on -- at 11 friggin' a.m. on New Year's Day! -- you'll be too groggy and hungover to appreciate good humor anyway.

OK, so I did some complaining about New Year's Eve, but New Year's Day is also always a disaster. And since I've already damaged Dan's reputation with a good story, allow me to give you my worst New Year's Day moment...

I went out in Philly for one of those open-bar NYE specials with a bunch of people from work one year. One of the work people so happened to be a girl I'd dated for a while. We had broken up, but it ended poorly, she was a bit of a loose cannon, and of course, we had to work together. All this went down in early October, and I was happy to have extricated her from my life for the most part. Until New Year's Eve.

Now those of you who read the blog regularly know that when it comes to free press box food, I can be a bit of a glutton. So you can probably imagine how I am at an open bar. When it's free, I need to make sure I'm getting my money's worth.

Anyway, bad decisions were made and to my dismay, I ended up un-doing all the good work I had accomplished with this girl during the past three months. She ended up crashing at a hotel room a couple of friends and I had rented for the night, too, so the problem was clear as day by New Year's morning.

So we get up the next day, and she assumes things are essentially back to the way they were pre-break-up. I am both literally and figuratively banging my head against the wall. Anyway, she needs a ride back to her car, and to make matters perfectly awful, she can't quite remember where she left it.

Now, another aside: If you've ever lived in Philly, you know of the traditional New Year's Day Mummers Parade. I hate the Mummers. First off, the people in the parade -- "The Mummers" -- are always an entitle, pompous bunch of buffoons who wake up waaaaaay too early on New Year's Day. Secondly, the parade makes everything problematic. It shuts down half the city, and even if you don't go out, you're subjected to watching highlights of the festivities on virtually every local TV station. (And as a kid who loved TV but grew up without cable until I was 17, this was truly life-altering.)

So, we spent the next three hours driving around Philly looking for her car, only 80 percent of the streets we needed to go down were blocked off because of the friggin' Mummers. At one point my buddy chimed in with, "What kind of car is it again?" Her reply: "Um, I think it's a Toyota… Or a Pontiac." Ugh.

We finally found it, parked just two blocks from where we had been that night, but of course the drama went on for weeks beyond that. It was a perfect start to a year that, as I recall, did not go particularly well.

Maybe I'm wrong, but there's a part of me that feels this game will be a reasonable comparison to that New Year's... Auburn 27, Northwestern 13.

Capital One Bowl (Orlando, Fla.): Penn State (10-2) vs. LSU (9-3)
Spread: Penn State (-3)

Dan: I recently took a trip up to Penn State to watch the Lions vs. VT basketball game. Tech won. It was great. Although I loathe Penn State and everything they stand for, I had a blast at the different drinking establishments we visited. Quite possibly my favorite place we went to had $7 Captain and Coke pitchers and half-priced ($6) Monkey Boys. If you have never had a Monkey Boy watch out. It is just a bunch of liquor in a pitcher. The following hit list occurred to people who had Monkey Boys: One friend could not speak or stand and was sending out nasty text messages from his phone. Another woke up with bruises up and down his arms. Two more couldn’t find their way back to hotel and a warm bed so instead opted for an apartment sofa. Yup… Monkey Boys. Monkey Boys, 1, my friends and I, 0.

As for this game I’ll take Penn State as they can’t possibly lose (insert reverse jinx here)… Penn State 24, LSU 18.

Dave: "Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon."

That's a special shout out to the LSU Tigers, who love pepper, but not nearly as much as they love corn dogs.

As for what Nittany Lions love? I have no idea. I don't even know what makes a Nittany Lion different from a regular lion, other than that they hang out at Philly-area bars and annoy the hell out of me.

I also want to take a moment here to discuss how much better it was to cover a bowl game in Shreveport this year than the Cap One Bowl a year ago. No, Shreveport wasn't perfect by any stretch, but the Cap One Bowl was downright abysmal later year. First off, I'm not a fan of Orlando. Yes, it's a bit more upscale than Shreveport, but everything's more expensive and it's much harder to navigate, all because of the rampant tourists. And while last year's game afforded us media folks a chance to tail the players through the amusement parks under the guise of doing stories, those trips were zero fun and requited more time and effort than they were worth. In Shreveport, they put a hospitality suite with free booze in a hotel with a casino. That's all I needed. The bowl reps were hospitable and helpful and all the events were at the stadium instead of making us drive six different places each day. All in all, it was a great time. And better yet, I'll be home for New Year's instead of trying to nurse a hangover with some gelatinous Salisbury steak in the press box in the gawd-awful Citrus Bowl. So, to sum up one of my favorite mid-way break in PTI commercials… Boo crappy Orlando bowl game… Hooray beer! (And Shreveport.)

Oh, and since Penn State is a.) from the overrated Big Ten and b.) has beaten no one, I think the pick here is obvious… LSU 21, Penn State 20.

And when it's over, John Chavis can announce he's coming to Georgia.

Gator Bowl (Jacksonville, Fla.): West Virginia (9-3) vs. Florida State (6-6)
Spread: West Virginia (-3)

Dan: Finally Bobby Bowden has agreed to step down. It is a much needed move. Funny thing about Florida State is that they continue to still get the same athletes that they’ve always gotten. If you look at their Rivals rankings you will see that they continue to pull in top 5 and top 10 classes. So that means one thing and one thing only… the coaching has gone downhill. So probably best for Bowden to move along. Of course ,what does that say about Jimbo Fisher? He has been there the last few years and they haven’t won, yet he will be the head coach? Who knows. As for this one I think that Florida State wins one for Bobby… Florida State 28, West Virginia 24.

Dave: "You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!"

A toast to you, Bobby Bowden! Sure, you haven't added a coherent thought to your football team since Monica Lewinski jokes still seemed funny, but that's OK. We salute you for being our lone wolf, a guy who goes out on his own terms. OK, well, no you really didn't do that either. But at least you went out a winner! Well, OK, 6-6 isn't exactly a winner, I suppose. And those NCAA sanctions cost you first place on the all-time win list. So that's kind of a bummer. But at least you were able to dictate your way into a decent and totally undeserved bowl game on New Year's Day, and no one else can say that! Well, OK, I guess Auburn can. But screw it, let's go find some strippers and coke!… Florida State 24, West Virginia 23.

Rose Bowl (Pasadena, Calif.): Oregon (10-2) vs. Ohio State (10-2)
Spread: Oregon (-3.5)

Dan: The nice thing about this column being several parts is you can re-think things. The bad thing is you can re-think things. If you asked me just two days ago who would win this game, I would say there is no way Oregon is losing. But then I saw Oregon State get WAXED by BYU in a game they were never in. Perhaps they were not motivated and perhaps BYU had more fans there. But it is still making me rethink things just a tad. I will reluctantly still take the Ducks in this one as I do not think Ohio State will be able to stop the spread offense… Oregon 31, Ohio State 20.

Dave: A special tribute to Ohio State...

Doug: "Tracy did mention we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much."
Phil: "Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and sh*t."

We've all had friends like Alan. At heart, he's a good guy. And he's sweet, so you feel obligated to be nice to him. And maybe part of you even secretly enjoys hanging out with him because, well who the heck knows what might happen? But in truth, he's like a gremlin. There are just certain things you can't do with him.

If you were to attribute those same characteristics to a college football team, it would have to be Ohio State, right? I mean, yes, the Buckeyes get to party with the cool kids, but does anyone really think they belong? Of course not! They're clearly going to show up and make a mess of things and then you're going to spend the rest of your bowl season apologizing for having invited Ohio State in the first place. And yet, at the same time, you almost take a sick sense of pleasure in watching the disaster that is Ohio State in a BCS game unfold. It's cathartic. In fact, it almost makes you feel a little better about yourself to see someone else so utterly inept. Like, hey, at least I'm not *that* bad.

To wit, Ohio State's recent bowl "success"…

2006: Florida 41, Ohio State 14
2007: LSU 38, Ohio State 24
2008: Texas 24, Ohio State 21 (perhaps the most embarrassing of all because afterward, everyone used the same phrase: "Hey, at least Ohio State didn't embarrass itself again.")

But take heart, Buckeyes fans. It could be worse. You could be Notre Dame… Oregon 34, Ohio State 21.

Sugar Bowl (New Orleans): Cincinnati (12-0) vs. Florida (12-1)
Spread: Florida (10.5)

Dan: (Editor's note: this was written before the Meyer announcement.) I am going to attempt to draw some comparisons to Florida with what is going on with USC. First, all of your offensive coordinators and defensive coordinators leave (USC lost Kiffin, the coach at Washington, Norm Chow). Then your decorated QB leaves (Leinert, Sanchez, etc). And then you start losing. So what is going on at Florida? They first lose the offensive coordinator to Mississippi State. They then lose the defensive coordinator to Louisville. Then they lose Tebow. Could a few down years be around the corner? I sure hope so! As for this game I will be taking the points… Florida 31, Cincinnati 21.

Dave: "Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me... The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine."

A special quote for Urban Meyer who, you know, is busy with the family and the Jonas Brothers concert this week, but after that he should be totally fine to come back and coach.

Seriously, on the list of pissed-off wives, where does Urban's rank right now?

"Yeah honey, I know I told you and the kids I was quitting because I might die from coaching football and all, but, well, I talked to Timmy and he really thinks I should stay, so that's what I'm gonna do. … What?… Uh-huh. … Well, sure honey, but I already held the press conference, so, um, yeah, it'd kind of a done deal…. Yeah, that's right. … No, this is his last game. … No, I don't think he wants a roommate in the NFL. Why do you ask?"

I mean, she's not Elin Woods mad, but she's gotta at least be Cheryl David after Larry ignores her call from the airplane mad, right?

Anyway, I love how everyone thinks that Florida is going to win one for Old Urban (who, you know, isn't actually going anywhere) but is completely overlooking the fact that Cincinnati got snubbed by not one but TWO coaches in the past three weeks. And if that Georgia game taught me anything this week, it's that when players take ownership of their own success, it's a very good thing. That's exactly what Cincy is doing. They aren't trying to win for their coach. They're trying to win for themselves… Cincinnati 31, Florida 27.

Early Bowls: Dan 6-9, Dave 2-13.
Regular Season: Dan 59-70-3, Dave 57-72-3.
Overall: Dan 65-79-3 (.452), Dave 59-85-3 (.412).

Picking the Winners: Bowl Season (Part 2)

If you missed Part 1 of the bowl picks, you can find it here. But don't worry, you didn't miss much.

On to the next batch of "winners"...

DECEMBER 26

Little Caesars Bowl (Detroit, Mich.): Marshall (6-6) vs. Ohio (9-4)
Spread: Ohio (-2.5)

Dan: Turd bowl alert! Turd bowl alert! Ranking the worst teams to make the bowls this year Marshall slides in at No. 4 on the list behind Wyoming, Idaho and Bowling Green. Virginia Tech faced them this year and destroyed them. And this was when VT was still struggling to score offensively.

This game they face the Bobcats. We have a friend who works for the Charlotte Bobcats. This same friend also used to work for a WNBA team. Let me tell you, when you have a friend who works for a WNBA team the jokes are virtually limitless. And it never gets old. I’d go into them all now but they might be a little crude for this column. Do not worry though . . . it is fun. Unfortunately he no longer works for a WNBA team but we still make fun of him. Actually with the way the Bobcats play they could probably be considered a WNBA team.

As for this game I’ll take the points… Marshall 24, Ohio 20.

Dave: OK, I want some credit from all of you. I went winless in my early bowl predictions. Do you know how hard that is? People who have been fading my picks this season probably enjoyed a very joyous Christmas.

"Honey, where'd all this extra Christmas money come from?"
"Oh, I just bet the opposite of Hale all football season. Do you like your new Lexus?"

Adding insult to injury? My initial foray into the Shreveport casino scene resulted in me dropping $50 in six hands on a $10 blackjack table as the dealer simply mowed down the players like Terrence Cody at a all-night buffet. It was brutal and bloody. Good times.

I even just stopped to watch a few hands of blackjack at another table as I tried to regain some semblance of stability and the dealer hit 21 on four straight deals. The people at the table quickly started giving me dirty looks. I was the cooler, to be sure.

Of course, of all my absurd bets, by far the best was my pick of Nevada giving two touchdowns to SMU. I only lost that one by 49 points. In fact, even better than being 0-6 in my picks… I'm 0-6 outright. Forget the spreads. I'm too stupid to even pick winners.

So with that in mind, I'm warning you all… bet the opposite of my picks the rest of the way, then send me a check for 10 percent of your winnings, and we'll all have a very happy start to 2010.

Oh, and our first loser on the board… Ohio 20, Marshall 10.

And by the way, I really feel like the winner of the Little Caesars Bowl should have to play the winner of the PapaJohns.com Bowl for pizza supremacy.

(Watch this game! Or what? Or else Pizza is going to send out for you!)

Meineke Car Care Bowl (Charlotte, N.C.): North Carolina (8-4) vs. Pittsburgh (9-3)
Spread: Pittsburgh (-3)

Dan: So let me get this straight: Pittsburgh loses a heart breaking game to Cincy at home to end the season and now gets relegated to a bowl in North Carolina and is giving three points to a team that has a virtual home game? Yeah that makes sense. Last time Pittsburgh traveled to North Carolina they lost to a horrible NC State team. Pittsburgh played every single tough game this season at home. When they did go on the road they lost both (to NC State and West Virginia). I expect more of the same this game. Road wins at Rutgers and at Syracuse don’t exactly get me juiced… North Carolina 24, Pittsburgh 21.

Dave: OK, since we're obviously not taking this too seriously, I feel like this is as good a time as any to address "Jersey Shore."

First off, I've spent a few summers at the Jersey Shore. In fact, I've spent a few of them there with Dan. Ah, the stories I could tell. Like the time Dan woke up at a girl's house and yelled at her that she had to leave before he realized that he wasn't in his own bed. But I digress.

The point is, as absurd as "Jersey Shore" the show might seem, and as over the top as the central characters might be, it really isn't that far off from reality. In fact, it might be the most realistic reality show I've seen in a while. In my summers there, I can assure you that the guys -- some of whom were friends of mine and very reasonable people from September through May -- cared only about a.) getting drunk, b.) meeting girls and c.) getting pizza after last call. And the girls… well, let's just say it takes a lot to hurt New Jersey's reputation, but that's what happened.

Anyway, I watched back-to-back episodes of "Jersey Shore" Christmas night before heading out for dinner and a stroll around the casinos in Shreveport, and a strange issue suddenly dawned on me. It's a natural instinct that, when you're in an environment for a while, you become conditioned to it. I don't want it to seem like I spend much time in gentlemen's clubs (which, by the way, is an hilarious moniker for those establishments when you think about it) but I've attended my share of bachelor parties over the years. And after you spend a few hours in a place like that, then you go to a normal bar, there's part of you that keeps expecting everyone you talk to to take off their tops at some point. You just lose some perspective.

That's sort of how I felt after watching an hour straight of "Jersey Shore" then going out to a bar. I couldn't watch a group of people do shots without assuming a girl was about to get punched. And then I got to thinking… if there was ever a television show that was the intellectual and moral equivalent of going to a strip club, I think it's "Jersey Shore." That's what makes it both so intriguing and so utterly repugnant at the same time.

And yes, I wish I was famous enough that the previous sentence could be used in a commercial as an official review of the show… North Carolina 23, Pittsburgh 20.

Emerald Bowl (San Francisco, Calif.): Boston College (8-4) vs. Southern California (8-4)
Spread: USC (-9)

Dan: I look at Southern Cal’s performance this year, and I hope that this is what happens to all teams when they lose a ton of talent, specifically at the QB spot. This gives me hope that Florida and Texas will have down years next year. USC was just not the same team this year. Their offense was just not that good, and their defense was constantly exposed. I am hoping for more of the same next year when the Gators and Horns lose their top QBs.

In this game, I really do not know what to do. I think BC is a huge fraud at 8-4 this year. Looking at their record they really did not beat anyone and lost to all the good teams they faced (Clemson, VT, UNC and Notre Dame). The Central Michigan win I guess is good. Other than that, they beat FSU. As for USC they haven’t had a nice win in months. I will reluctantly take the points here… Southern Cal 24, Boston College 17.

Dave: Yes, Georgia Tech only played in this game once, but it will forever remind me of the Yellow Jackets during the Chan Gailey era. Team flies cross country, plays a mediocre lower-tier opponent and gets thumped because, quite frankly, they just don't care any more. If Reggie Ball's career could be summed up in a bowl game, I think this would be it.

Anyway, seems to me that USC is in a similar situation this year. Over-rated quarterback, unmet expectations, dismal finish to the year, disappointment about their bowl destination, opponent that has no business beating them… it just has all the makings of a Chan Gailey special.

Of course, unlike Tech, USC actually has a good coach and rather than flying cross country, they can all pile into Joe McKnight's Land Rover for the short trip up The 5 to San Fran. So while I think the Men of Troy can still pull out the victory, there's no chance they get the cover… USC 17, Boston College 13.

DECEMBER 27

Music City Bowl (Nashville, Tenn.): Kentucky (7-5) vs. Clemson (8-5)
Spread: Clemson (-7)

Dan: Job well done Dabo! You guided your team to the Music City Bowl this year and had five losses. That is a great, great job! This is why you gave him all that money, right Clemson fans? Well what happens next year when CJ Spiller is not around to bail you out in those games? I will tell you. You will lose to Miami and you will lose to FSU. You will be lucky to be a .500 team. Have fun with that. As for this game I do not see how Clemson gets up for it. They might win but they are not covering… Clemson 24, Kentucky 18.

Dave: This feels like it's a game I should care about, but I just don't. Sure, Clemson played in the ACC championship game, but that's like saying you hit on the drunkest girl in the bar. For one, you still didn't bring her home. And two, even if you did, is that really something you should be proud of? Anyway, way to lose five games in the JV conference, Clemson. With C.J. Spiller no less.

Then we have Kentucky, which in terms of wins and losses, probably played over its head by a wide margin. And when you factor in all the injuries, Rich Brooks did a nice job. But are they really a seven-win team? They beat Miami (Ohio) which finished 1-11 this year. They beat Louisville, which fired its head coach. They beat Auburn by seven points in a game in which neither team threw for 100 yards. They beat Louisiana-Monroe, a team that played just three BCS-conference opponents this year, losing all three games by a combined score of 133-47. They beat Eastern Kentucky, a school that once employed me as an instructor. They beat Vanderbilt, which went winless in the SEC and 2-10 on the year. And… well, you know the last one. And Georgia gift wrapped that game.

So you have an underachieving good team against an overachieving bad team. I'll go with the talent… Clemson 30, Kentucky 21.

DECEMBER 28

Independence Bowl (Shreveport, La.): Texas A&M (6-6) vs. Georgia (7-5)
Spread: Georgia (-7.5)

Dan: Have fun in Shreveport Dave! Lol! Did you know that the Hokies have been to a bowl every year since the 1993-’94 year? And that streak started with a trip to the Independence Bowl way back when? Funny thing about that is my brother attended that game, and they were actually excited to go to the Independence Bowl. Back in 1993 the No. 21-ranked Hokies beat up on the No. 22-ranked Indiana Hoosiers 45-20 in the Independence Bowl. I can’t believe Indiana was ever ranked. But that was exciting!

I can’t imagine too many Georgia or Texas A&M fans would be too excited about this bowl. What does Shreveport really have to offer? Well I did a quick check and I was shocked to see some really cool casinos on a riverfront. Any city that has a casino gets a good grade in my book. That seems to be about all they have to offer… but at least you can gamble. In the game, I don’t think Georgia should be giving more than a TD to anyone. They’ll win, but not by much… Georgia 31, Texas A&M 27.

Dave: My Christmas gift to Georgia fans… Texas A&M 31, Georgia 30.

DECEMBER 29

Eagle Bank Bowl (Washington D.C.): UCLA (6-6) vs. Temple (9-3)
Spread: UCLA (-4)

Dan: How many people will attend this game? Ten thousand? Five thousand? Five? Are there any Temple fans that care? Does anyone from UCLA care? Does anyone from UCLA even know that their team won six games this year? The only thing that UCLA is known for this year is their idiot coach calling a timeout against USC as the Trojans were trying to run out the clock and USC then throwing a 50-yard bomb for the cover at the end of the game. Thank, Coach. Us USC backers thank you. In any case, neither team is good, and when that happens, you take the points… Temple 17, UCLA 14.

Dave: I loved the fact that UCLA had to wait an extra week before knowing if they'd even be in this game, as Army would have gotten the bid had it beaten Navy. It was like college basketball's play-in game. I feel like UCLA is now the bowl season version of McNeese State. That's never a good sign.

On the other side, you have Temple, which gets my vote as the best story of the 2009 season. As a Philly connoisseur I can tell you -- winning nine games is nothing short of a miracle for this team. How they recruit anyone to come there is beyond me. They play in the Eagles' stadium in front of about eight fans per game. The campus is in a rough part of Philly. And the most memorable sporting event in the school's history involved John Chaney trying to punch Calipari after a basketball game.

Actually, that was pretty great...



Ah, that really ranks right up there with Iverson's "Talking About Practice" press conference and Bake McBride's afro as my all-time favorite things about Philly sports.

Anyway, more than any of the nine wins Temple got on the field this year, it got an even bigger one after the season in that coach Al Golden wasn't hired elsewhere, which puts the Owls in the unique position of being an up-and-coming team that isn't playing with an interim coach right now. Combine that with the mojo of their first bowl appearance since five years before "The Cosby Show" premiered and you've got a recipe for victory… Temple 24, UCLA 17.

Champs Sports Bowl (Orlando, Fla.): Miami (9-3) vs. Wisconsin (9-3)
Spread: Miami (-3)

Dan: This is one of the more intriguing matchups of the bowl season as we see Bucky the Badger traveling to Orlando to face the Canes. The Badgers impressed me this year with their offense as they were able to score a lot of points. Canes as well. Neither team, however, seemed to be able to stop other teams offenses in the second part of the year, and the Badgers struggled big time away from Camp Randall (lost to Ohio State, lost to Northwestern, barely beat Indiana). So now they are getting only three in a virtual home game for the Canes? Makes no sense to me.

As for Miami I must say that is a great city to travel to. The trouble one can get into… a few years back Dave, myself, a guy we refer to as Detective Donut and our little French friend took a trip down there and it definitely took a few years off our lives. Insanity. And trouble, of course. This is what happens when you leave cold weather in December and travel to warm weather. Well what is going to happen to Wisconsin? Insanity… and then they’ll lose… Miami 31, Wisconsin 24.

Dave: Technically, I am barred from even acknowledging the existence of this bowl. Allow me to explain…

Back in the day, I used to have a job in the mall. This led to numerous lifelong bits of animosity aimed at arbitrary foes, but tops among them is Champs Sports. On one fateful day, my buddy Mac and I were stuck working in the morning, but had plans for an afternoon bar-b-q and keg party. Of course, any good keg party also requires Wiffle ball to be played. So we went to the Champs Sports in the mall to purchase some new Wiffle ball equipment. After finding little available, we asked the clerk where they stocked their bats and balls. He proceeded to tell us that it was Champs' store philosophy that Wiffle ball was not a sport.

At that moment, Champs Sports was officially dead to me. I've never so much as set foot inside a Champs Sports since then, and I take the opportunity to badmouth the company at any chance. All I know is, Mike Scott didn't take the time to invent the perfect Wiffle curve ball so some schmuck in the mall could tell me it's not a sport.

So, given my strict moral code against the organization, I'll offer no analysis of this game (not that it matters)… Miami 24, Wisconsin 20.

DECEMBER 30

Humanitarian Bowl (Boise, Idaho): Idaho (7-5) vs. Bowling Green (7-5)
Spread: Pick 'em!

Dan: I take back what I said about Marshall. These teams REALLY stink. Who the heck wants to tune in to watch this game other than to see the blue field? Well actually, I take that back. The blue field is really cool. I wish that VT would install turf on their field and have it be bright orange. Now that would be very cool. Anyway this seems like a virtual home game for Idaho so I’ll take the Vandals here… Idaho 31, Bowling Green 17.

Dave: The fact that there is a bowl game played in Idaho ranks right up there with some of the all-time most sublimely absurd things in sports. My rough list of those things includes: A bowl game in Idaho, Andy Reid's clock management, Chuck Amato's boobs, Cleveland Browns fans, anything Tim McCarver has ever said on air, Baby Mangino, Ed Wade's continued employment, the fact that anyone is surprised that Brett Favre is a jerk, Skip Bayless, the NFL's commercial-kickoff-commercial TV coverage, the football scenes from "Friday Night Lights," any Mike Tyson press conference (NSFW!!!), Mike Patrick talking about Britney Spears, "The Magic Hour," Jonathan Crompton's mustache and Mark Madsen dancing . There's lots more to the list, I'm sure, but that's a rough account off the top of my head.

(Side note: Until last week, I would have included Chad Johnson changing his last name to "Ochocinco" in that list, but after hearing TV anchors use sentences like, "The news of Chris Henry's death hit Ochocinco particularly hard..." the whole name change thing just seemed kind of silly. It just can't be used in any serious context. Of course, I do look forward to one day hearing, "The floor recognizes Congressman Ochocinco from the great state of Ohio...")

Anyway, like you Dan, I'll be watching for the smurf turf alone. If you drink enough gin earlier in the day, you can actually start hallucinating from watching the turf after a while… Bowling Green 45, Idaho 44.

Holiday Bowl (San Diego, Calif.): Nebraska (9-4) vs. Arizona (8-4)
Spread: Arizona (-1.5)

Dan: Poor Nebraska. If they had ANY offense this year they would have won the Big 12 and most likely would have been 12-1 on the season (only loss to Texas Tech). Unfortunately for them they do not have offense. Watching the Big 12 title game was one of the most painful things I have ever had to do. If given the option of doing shots of 151 over and over again or watching the Big 12 title game I think I’d take the 151. As painful as the shots are at least I know what I am getting there… you know the drill, 151 shots = passed out in yard with no recollection of previous night's events. I will take blacking out over having to remember the black shirts offense any day. As for this one I think Arizona has too much offense… Arizona 24, Nebraska 19.

Dave: This is annually one of my favorite bowl games. First off, I love San Diego. I've downed many a warm beer in the parking lot of Qualcomm Stadium over the years, and if I were a player, this would easily rate as one of my top five desired bowl destinations. Secondly, in six of the nine games this decade, at least 60 total points have been scored -- including 159 total in the past two seasons. It's always a shootout.

Now we have Ndamukong Suh showcasing his skills for a Nebraska team that can't seem to score, which might indicate a low-scoring affair is in store. On the other hand, Arizona has a pesky offense and has allowed just 11 sacks all season. It'll be another intriguing matchup, even if it's not a barnburner… Arizona 24, Nebraska 20.

Alright, that gets you through to New Year's Eve. Stay tuned for Part III…

Early bowls: Dan 3-3, Dave 0-6.
Regular season: Dan 59-70-3, Dave 57-72-3.
Overall records: Dan 62-73-3 (.460), Dave 57-78-3 (.424)

Picking the Winners: Bowl Season (Part 1)

The regular season was not kind to either of us, but the bowl games are a different story. So let's get to the first round of games in our post-season pick-em.

Dan: Does it get any better than bowl season? I say no. I remember back in the day when I lived with a few roommates I would watch every single bowl game. Yes . . . every single one. And I’d gamble on most of them as well. Why? Because I have issues. Ha ha . . . but seriously it made it fun. I love bowl season. What was better than plunking down a $200 parlay on Christmas Eve and watching Timmy Chang get you a Hawaii cover and the over cover? That meant most of my Christmas gifts were paid for! This year we have 34 games. Ugh. Even that might be a bit much for me.

Dave: So our regular-season battle came down to the final week, and you edged me by two games. But I foresee a comeback during bowl season. And to add to the enjoyment, I'm using some quotes from my favorite Christmas movies to help me with my picks...

DECEMBER 19

New Mexico Bowl (Albuquerque, NM): Wyoming (6-6) vs. Fresno State (8-4)
Spread: Fresno State (-12)

Dan: The first bowl game of the season and it is a real stinker. If you are a player on a team, where is the least desirable place for you to go to a bowl game? I think my first choice is Albuquerque. What the heck are you supposed to do in Albuquerque? At least if you go to Boise, you get the blue field.

As for the game I was shocked to see that Wyoming even made a bowl. How did that happen? Their best win is either over 4-8 San Diego State or 5-7 Florida Atlantic. LOL. That is a bowl team? As for Fresno State, they are capable of putting points on the board. I think they can put enough on the board to take the cover in this one as Wyoming has little to no offense… Fresno State 34, Wyoming 13.

Dave: A special "Christmas Vacation" quote for the good folks at Wyoming...

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Eddie, if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

Heck, I'm sorta surprised to learn that Wyoming was even an Division I-A team, let alone a bowl-eligible Division I-A team. Sure, they beat Tennessee last year, but I assume that was Crompton-related rather than a real statement about Wyoming's abilities on the football field.

On the other side of the ledger, we have Fresno State, who has taken great enjoyment in being non-conference fodder for big boys for years. This year, Pat Hill's bunch played Wisconsin, Illinois and Cincinnati outside of its conference plus faced Boise State in its conference. Add to that the sterling numbers from tailback Ryan Matthews (6.8 ypc, 17 TDs) and I'll happily give the Fightin' Dick Cheneys 12 points. (In other words… Fresno? Fres-yes!)… Fresno State 30, Wyoming 10.

St. Petersburg Bowl (St. Petersburg, Fla.): Rutgers (8-4) vs. Central Florida (8-4)
Spread: Rutgers (-2.5)

Dan: Rutgers finished 8-4? Huh? How did that happen? Another team that beat no one. I guess the UConn win was nice but that is a real stretch. So I live in Jersey and work in Delaware. Both states are pretty close and I need to cross the Delaware Memorial Bridge to get back to Jersey. Each night I cross the bridge I see a big billboard with Greg Schiano on it that states,“This is Rutgers Country!” Complete with him, his team and everyone else looking on with a mad-at-the-world expression. I find that hilarious. Rutgers Country? Really? I, for one, can tell you no one in Jersey cares about Rutgers football. No one in the northeast cares about college football. As for this game this is pretty much a home game for Central Florida so take the Knights! And no one in Jersey will care either way what happens… Central Florida 24, Rutgers 19.

Dave: "I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel."

I could be wrong, but I think that's the precise directions on how to get to Rutgers. But there's always a ton of traffic on the bridge over the Sea of Swirly Twirly Gum Drops and they don't let you text while driving in the Candy Cane Forest anymore.

Of course, the trip to St. Petersburg from New Jersey is even more complicated, while Central Florida has just 106 miles to travel for the game. The result will be an abundance of UCF fans -- well, if there is such a thing -- and slim pickings among Rutgers faithful. But fans don't decide bowl games, and there's certainly a few other interesting tidbits here.

First, George O'Leary has already updated his resume to include "Win in St. Petersburg Bowl, 2009."

Second, this is a battle between the Golden Knights and the Scarlett Knights. They should joust instead of play football. Or at least let them play football in armor suits while carrying spears.

Third, this game is "presented by Beef 'O' Brady's" to ensure it sounds completely fraudulent. I hate Beef O Brady's, but during my stint living in Albany, Ga., this was one of the few places open on Sundays that a.) served beer and b.) had the football games on TV. But whose stupid idea was it to open up a bar that caters to families? This is like opening up a strip club that caters to nuns. When I show up hungover and unshowered on a Sunday morning to curse at Andy Reid for three hours as he bungles his challenges and clock management in another debilitating loss for the Eagles, I don't need to be worrying about offending the sensibilities of the family sitting next to me with two small children who came in for the chicken finger platter after church. And the worst part of it all was, in order to cater to the kiddies, management insisted that a few TVs were always tuned in to cartoons, and invariably my seat would end up pointed directly at that particular TV, so instead of focusing on football, my attention would keep being drawn back to the antics of Sponge Bob (who, I might add, can call a game better than Andy Reid by a wide margin). So I can only assume that at this game, Beef O Brady's will insist on having the Jumbotron tuned to "Wizards of Waverly Place" to keep the kids entertained during this game, too.

And fourth, Rutgers can't move the football (99th nationally in total offense) and UCF doesn't let anyone run on them (fourth nationally in rushing defense).

So while Rutgers will get a nice chance to see sunlight and temperatures above 40 one last time before April, they won't be getting a victory… Central Florida 24, Rutgers 21.

DECEMBER 20

New Orleans Bowl (New Orleans, La.): Middle Tennessee State (9-3) vs. Southern Mississippi (7-5)
Spread: Southern Miss (-3.5)

Dan: Another stinker! We are up to three in a row! Quick… what is Middle Tennessee State’s school mascot? The Blue Raiders! Why do I know this? Because again, I have issues. I know way too many schools mascots, it is just one of those things that I have picked up over the years by wagering on games.

In this one, you have a Middle Tennessee State team that actually has a decent body of work. Their losses came to good teams (I call Troy good). And they blew out the bad teams. That is impressive. As for Southern Miss, they are somewhat impressive as well. They won seven games and 4 of their 5 losses were by a td or less. That is not too shabby. I have no clue who to pick so I’ll take the points… Southern Miss 24, Middle Tennessee State 21.

Dave: From "Bad Santa"…

Kid: Candy corn?
Willie: Well they all can't be winners.

No, this ain't exactly the best matchup in the world, but hey, they can't all be winners.

Did you know, however, that Southern Miss running back Damion Fletcher has more yards rushing (5,224) than any other active player in college football? I think someone at Florida needs to look into this because I'm certain that record is supposed to belong to Tim Tebow.

Fletcher and the rest of the Fightin' Brett Favres get the treat of taking on Middle Tennessee State, which I assume is the worst type of directional school. I mean, it's one thing to be Eastern Michigan or Southern Miss or Western Kentucky… but Middle Tennessee? Of course, it's "notable alumni" section on Wikipedia includes a whopping four people, one of whom plays in the WNBA and one of whom is Kelly Holcomb, so "notable" is obviously a sliding scale.

But on the upside, both of these schools get to play a bowl game in New Orleans and then spend the holidays with their families. I get to cover a bowl game in Shreveport and spend Christmas deciding whether to split 10s for the fun of it. So I think I'm the real winner here… Southern Miss 28, MTSU 17.

DECEMBER 22

Las Vegas Bowl (Las Vegas, Nev.): Oregon State (8-4) vs. BYU (10-2)
Spread: Oregon State (-2.5)

Dan: Finally, a decent game. Man, I wish that Virginia Tech’s bowl tie in was the Las Vegas bowl. That is one bowl game I would definitely attend. Why not? Yeah I know it is pretty close to Christmas and would be tough to get out there. But here is what you do: You fly out the 21st. You get bombed the first two nights. You then put a grand on the team that is going to cover (that being the Beavers). You win. You wake up the 23rd and fly home and have a very, merry Chistmas! I know it doesn’t work that way. But that would be nice right?

In reality this how it works: You show up in Vegas on the 21st. You head to the Hard Rock where they are handing out “free” shots of Jager at the roulette table. Six “free” shots later you are down $200. You then lose another 200. You get drunker. You embarrass yourself in front of every lady at the Hard Rock clubs. On the 22nd you repeat. You then put 1,000 on your team (the Beavers) and they do not cover. So you lose 2,000, you are hungover as all heck, you’ve vomited all over your clothes, you can’t afford Christmas gifts or a cab to the airport and then you need to fly home to see your family. Merry freaking Christmas.

As for this game take the Beavers… Oregon State 35, BYU 24.

Dave: From "A Christmas Story," after Flick gets his tongue stuck to the poll...

"Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick."

Here's what I'd like to see happen leading up to this bowl game:

Well-meaning but sheltered Mormon player for BYU: "Drink an entire bottle of Jager? Are you kidding? That's dumb."
Burly, grizzled Oregon State lineman: "That's 'cuz you know it'll work!"
BYU player: "You're full of it!"
OSU lineman: "Oh yeah?"
BYU player: "Yeah!"
OSU lineman: "Well I double-DOG-dare you!"

Seems to me that Oregon State should make a point of exposing BYU's players to all the horrifying bits of debauchery Vegas has to offer, then show up to play the next day feeling great while the suddenly corrupted BYU players nurse their hangovers and wonder what hit them. It's a perfect battle plan. In fact, I TRIPLE-dog-dare them to do it! (If you'll forgive the sudden breach in etiquette.)… Oregon State 30, BYU 23.

DECEMBER 23

Poinsettia Bowl (San Diego, Calif.): Utah (9-3) vs. California (8-4)
Spread: Cal (-3.5)

Dan: Another desirable bowl location. Man, the Pac-10 and MWC know how to do it. Why these other conferences are sending their teams to Mobile, Ala., Albuquerque, Boise, etc. when you can go to San Diego is beyond me. They should have bowl games in the Bahamas and Cancun. That is my genius idea. I mean why not?

In this game you get a Cal team that always disappoints in bowl season/end of season vs. a Utah team which has something to prove. Cal just got destroyed at Washington. I mean murdered. As a result I like the Utes… Utah 27, Cal 24.

Dave: I'm a little perplexed on this game, and when I'm perplexed, I go to Bill Murray for advice...

Lew: I was a captain of industry, feared by men, adored by women.
Frank: Adored? Come on, let's be honest, Lew. You paid for the women.

Last year, Utah was a captain of industry, feared by Alabama, adored by women. This year, they're headed to the Poinsettia Bowl, which happens to not even be the best bowl game in the city of San Diego.

That said, it's hard to argue with the trip. I lived in San Diego for two years, and it remains one of my favorite places in the country -- and I only remember about half of my time there thanks to 75-cent beer night at Beachcomber.

Fun fact about Utah: The Utes have won their last eight straight bowl games, including two BCS games. Cal, on the other hand, can't be thrilled to be playing in a lower-tier bowl after falling to Washington and playing without Jahvid Best yet again. But hey, I'm a risk taker. I don't always make good decisions. I like to live dangerously. And, most importantly, I've already thought too much about this game… Cal 27, Utah 21.

DECEMBER 24

Hawaii Bowl (Honolulu, Ha.): Nevada (8-4) vs. Southern Methodist (7-5)
Spread: Nevada -14

Dan: Super Model University (or SMU) is making their first bowl appearance since they suffered the death penalty back in 1984. I have a buddy who attended SMU and he said that is the nickname. Said the school is chock full of supermodels who come from a ton of cash. Works for me. Better than a school that is full of fatties who live in trailers.

As for the game, I have a special place in my heart for the Hawaii Bowl. I love being around the family on Christmas Eve and throwing some cash down on a game between WAC and Conference USA teams. Then the inevitable, “Why do you look so happy" or "Why are you so angry” question always pops up. Of course, usually this game involves Hawaii but not this year. Oh well. I think SMU can keep it within the number. Nevada should not be laying 14 to anyone… Nevada 38, SMU 27.

Dave: "Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!"

Yes, by Christmas Eve I'll be doing nothing but eating junk food and watching rubbish like Nevada and SMU… though I'll be doing it in a hotel room in Shreveport, La. Fun times.

Of course, while I'm carb loading in a Marriott before an all-night bender at the casino, June Jones will be making his triumphant return to Hawaii, where he's regarded with nearly as much respect as Don Ho and Magnum P.I. (only without a great mustache).

Here's the problem though: SMU ranks 88th nationally in rushing defense, allowing nearly 190 yards per game on the ground. Nevada ranks first nationally in rushing offense at more than 360 yards per game on the ground. So the game plan is pretty simple: Run the ball early and often and keep SMU off the field. Sounds like a plan to me… Nevada 42, SMU 24.

Regular Season Records: Dan 59-70-3 (.453), Dave 57-72-3 (.438).